Theres No Place Like Home

My head knows what it wants to communicate but it just can't say it. It want to point out all of the errors in the world and how obvious they are and show people just how easy all the problems are to fix, and they are, but it doesn't have confidence in itself it doesn't have confidence in the body it lives in and it doesn't have confidence that the world is willing to listen. To quote Douglas Adams "then one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, one girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place And then, one This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything". That girl there well that's me, I know how to make the world a good and happy place I just need people to listen, not distort what I'm saying and keep those nails in their boxes where they belong!

How to Leave the Planet I. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483 3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible. 2. If they do not cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House-(202) 456 1414-to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA. 3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107 095 295 9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try. 4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011 39 6 6982, and I gather his switchboard is infallible. 5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that de's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives. Douglas Adams Los Angeles 1983 and London 1985/1986

The Universe-some information to help you live in it. 1~Area: Infinite. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy offers this definition of the word "Infinite". Infinite: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, "wow, that's big", time. Infinity is just so big that by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here. 2~Imports: None. It is impossible to import things into an infinite area, there being no outside to import things in from. 3~Exports: None. See imports. 4~Population: None. It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination. 5~Monetary Units: None. In fact there are three freely convertible currencies in the Galaxy, but none of them count. The Altairan Dollar has recently collapsed, the Flaninian Pobble Bead is only exchangeable for other Flaninian Pobble Beads, and the Triganic Pu has its own very special problems. Its exchange rate of eight Ningis to one Pu is simple enough, but since a Ningi is a triangular rubber coin six thousand eight hundred miles across each side, no one has ever collected enough to own one Pu. Ningis are not negotiable currency because the Galactibanks refuse to deal in fiddling small change. From this basic premise it is very simple to prove that the Galactibanks are also the product of a deranged imagination. 6~Art: None. The function of art is to hold the mirror up to nature, and there simply isn't a mirror big enough-see point one. 7~Sex: None. Well, in fact there is an awful lot of this, largely because of the total lack of money, trade, banks, art, or anything else that might keep all the non-existent people of the Universe occupied.